I’ve been giving a lot of thought lately to the horrible state of our economy and frankly, am not completely satisfied with either the Democrats’ or the Republicans’ ideas. It’s obvious that after all the stimulus spending is done, this government is going to need to figure out a way to cut expenses. But everything I’ve heard so far is too limited in scope and won’t have the effect that’s needed. What needs to happen won’t occur with a scalpel—it’s going to take a machete.

Like I say, I’ve given it a lot of thought and I think I’ve come up with a solution that almost everyone will agree with.

Get rid of Alabama.

Seriously, let ‘em go be their own little country or sell it to the Bolivians for one thousand pounds of coffee, but either way, they need to go.

Why Alabama? Simple—I’ve been there and the place blows. It’s flat, hot, humid, ugly, and they don’t have any professional sports teams. Fine dining consists of The Waffle House, a ptomaine repository and late-night gathering spots for those who charge for their “company.”

One of their current senators, Jeff Sessions, is quoted as saying the KKK wasn’t all that bad until he found out that some of them smoked marijuana. Plus, his middle name is Beauregard, if you can believe that. Their other senator is Richard Shelby who has such fine ethics that he switched from being a Democrat to a Republican in 1994, one day after Republicans won control of both houses of Congress. And lest we forget such other fine Alabama leaders as former governors George Wallace and John Patterson, a couple more fun-loving racists.

Now this is not to say that all 4.5 million Alabamians are bad folk. The country band of the same name was pretty solid in the 1980s … if you like country music. And “Sweet Home Alabama” is a classic rock tune.

But is that really enough to keep them hanging around, sucking up your tax dollars? And it’s not like they take care of their own. Alabama’s income tax on poor working families is among the nation’s very highest. Alabama is the only state that levies income tax on a family of four with income as low as $4,600, which is barely one-quarter of the federal poverty line. Alabama’s threshold is the lowest among the 41 states and the District of Columbia with income taxes.

So there’s a lot to not like about Alabama. Get rid of them and see how that changes our national budget picture. If that doesn’t do the trick, all I can say is Mississippi … you better watch your ass.

Mitch “Fathead” Cox  has won regional and national awards for sports writing, both in the humorous and serious vein. A 1981 graduate of Chico State, he is the author of “Fathead Goes to Chico” and is currently working on two other books, “Poker for Donkeys” and “Ain’t No Party Like a Cossack Party.”