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Furlough Fun!

July 24, 2009 | by fathead Leave Comment

Furlough SchwarzeneggerAs a California state employee, I am just giddy that our governor and legislature have at long last agreed on a budget a mere three weeks after it was due, and about six months past when they should have had it done. Kudos to all of them for a job poorly done!

Part of the deal to cut spending, and this is where California is not alone, is the use of furlough days. California used to be the leader in so many things, but now we are the leader in screwing over state workers, as several other states — including Maryland, Wisconsin, New Jersey, Ohio and Georgia, to name a few — have also begun furloughing their workforce.

For those unfamiliar with what a furlough is, it’s a mandatory day off without pay. In California, most state workers are being forced to take two to three furlough days per month for the next year. That winds up to about a 10-14 percent pay cut. The government tried to soften the blow by telling state employees that it doesn’t affect their benefits, retirement or other hoo-ha. In other words, think of it as a vacation … in the poor house!

Now some of us aren’t used to all this extra free time we have had thrust upon us, so I thought it would be a public service to give some ideas on things to do on your furlough day if you’re lucky enough to have two … or three.

1. Get local congressman’s cell phone number — sign him up for Lindsay Lohan’s Twitter account.
2. Be grateful you’ve moved into a lower tax bracket.
3. Offer to help Sarah Palin write her memoirs … or at least color in the pictures.
4. Make anagrams out of “Arnold Schwarzenegger” — for example, I came up with “Gangland Screw Her Zero.” For extra fun, make anagrams out of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (my personal favorite, “Mama Made Jihad Hound” although “Omaha Damn Humid” and “A Madman Do I Hum” are a close second)
5. Waterboard a cardboard cutout of Paris Hilton.
6. Go to Wal-Mart, say to an associate, “Live better my ass!”
7. Using logic, high level mathematics, and standard scientific theories, guess the next Republican to go “hiking the Appalachian Trial.”
8. Go shopping at Circuit City, Linens N’ Things, Mervyns and Sharper Image. They’re out of business, so you won’t care that you don’t have money to buy anything.
9. Write down your local representative’s name — hold on to it until the next election — DO NOT vote for that person!
10. Or you could simply go for a hike, walk your dog, take a bike ride, play with your kids, volunteer somewhere, clean your house, or some other no-cost, constructive task that will take your mind off the fact that you’ve taken a 10% pay cut so that your representative’s per diem stays at around $173 PER DAY!

There you have it. Feel free to contribute your own ideas and perhaps it will be enough for a whole book. Perhaps, something big enough to read while you’re sitting at home on one of your furlough days…

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