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December 30, 2009 | by The Lark Staff 42 Comments

Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, It was a year stuffed to the gills with egregious behavior from spectacularly ridiculous people. With so many crude epithets at our disposal to describe these knuckleheads, none is so apropos as the one sobriquet that aptly describes quitters, hecklers, teabaggers, extortionists, and balloon hoaxers alike: douchebags.

Given the explosion of douchiness all around us, we had to dig deep to select these profiles in ignominy, but here they are -- our awards for this year's 20 biggest douchebags in America. Where can i order Erythromycin without prescription, And the Douchies go to...

1. Glenn Beck


Crying Glenn BeckIn an era of rampant right-wing paranoia, no one has done more to fan the flames of conspiratorial idiocy than FOX News Channel's Glenn Beck, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. A faux populist and self-described "rodeo clown," Beck is a champion for reality-impaired Americans everywhere who lack the ability to think, reason, or spell. Normally, someone fitting Beck's psychological profile would simply be left alone on a park bench to shout his unhinged insanity at squirrels and pigeons. But thanks to FOX News (and presumably regular injections of Thorazine), Beck commands a 2.6 million-strong wingnut army hell-bent on taking back America from all the gay Marxist Muslim illegal immigrant socialists running our government.
Douchiest Achievements: Beck accused Obama of being a "racist" who has a "deep-seated hatred for white people," which led to an advertiser exodus from his show (not to worry, buy Erythromycin online no prescription, he still has sponsors peddling penis enlargers and egg cookers). In his most laughable moment, Beck claimed he had deciphered a secret code proving Obama was trying to create an Glenn Beck Oligarhy"Oligarhy," which is a form of government that steals letters from illiterate morons and gives them to the wealthy few. Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, Other Beck conspiracy theories include accusations that the Obama administration has secret plans to force abortions and put sterilants in the drinking water to control population; use health care reform to recreate Nazi eugenics; and create a "civilian national security force" just like Hitler did. Beck is a man so passionate about his convictions that he won't hesitate to rub on Vick's Vapor rub to get the tears flowing so that he can sobbingly proclaim, "I love my country -- but I fear for it!"
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: Declaring that everyone is Hitler, except for himself.
Quote:
"Satan's mentally challenged younger brother." –Stephen King, describing Beck
~Dan

2. Kanye West


Kanye West and Taylor SwiftYo Glenn Beck, Australia, uk, us, usa, I’m really happy for you and Imma let you finish, but Kanye West was the biggest douchebag of 2009. Of 2009.
Despite his talents as a rapper and hip-hop artist, Kanye tends to be known more for his freakishly large ego than his music.  He once said “God chose me. He made the path for me, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. I’m God’s vessel.” God's vessel. More like the Lord's douchebag.
Douchiest Achievement:
At the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards, Kanye West cemented himself in douche history when he jumped up on stage to interrupt Taylor Swift's award acceptance speech. “Imma let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of the year." Or something like that. It’s hard to remember what was actually said since the Internet was quickly flooded with so many spoofs of the event, where to buy Erythromycin. No less an authority than President Obama officially declared Kanye a "jackass Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, ." As Conan O'Brien joked, "Not since 'yes, we can' has Obama found a slogan so many Americans can get behind." We're pretty sure that's why he won the Nobel Peace Prize.
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010:
Anywhere but the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards.
Quote:
“My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.” –Kanye West
~Warren

3. Jon and Kate Gosselin


Jon and Kate GosselinJon & Kate Plus 8 started as a peek into the life of a couple beset (through fertility treatments) with sextuplets and twins. The show quickly became a chronicle of serial emasculation, a testament to birth control, and a horrific meta-vessel of overexposure and gilded mega-breeder entitlement (e.g., renewal of vows in Hawaii, hair plugs for Jon / tummy tuck for Kate, McMultiplesMansion in Pennsylvania, shark-jumping crossover with American Chopper). Soon enough, Buying Erythromycin online over the counter, the Gosselins’ marriage cratered, TLC decided to dump Jon from the show, and then he blew up the whole gravy train – for the sake of the children, of course, and not because Big Daddy was getting cut out. (Hopefully, the TV residuals can help him cover the costs of the recent psycho-renovation of his Manhattan bachelor pad.)
Douchiest Achievements:
Kate: Multiple TV appearances where she expressed her heartbreak, clutched her wedding ring, reaffirmed her devotion to her litter, and turned on the waterworks; the Access Hollywood Bles8ingsouttake where she told her parched daughter to get her own fucking water bottle; shooting a pilot with Paula Deen (?!?) for an umpteenth clucking-hen coffee-klatch morning show (working title: Butter and the Beast); and, sweet Jebus, where to buy Erythromycin, having that hairdo on purpose. Jon: nailing any 20ish chick within a 500-foot radius, including schoolteachers, tabloid reporters, the babysitter, and the daughter of Kate’s plastic surgeon; taking a couple hundred grand from the joint bank account, presumably to replenish the roofies-and-lube fund; breaking free from Kate’s ballbusting shackles, only to submit to the 16-ton testes-steamroller that is Nancy Grace; fraternizing with world’s worst celebrity dad Michael Lohan and Ed Hardy good-taste assassin Christian Audigier, thus ascending to his rightful place in the newly-formed Axis of Douchebag.
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010:
Not seen at all, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. (This is only Kind of a Lark’s and the western world’s most fervent hope. Actual results may, and likely will, vary.)
Quote:
Any quotes from these losers would only feed the monster. We’ve got to draw the line somewhere. (For the sake of the children!)
~loukip

4. Sarah Palin


Quitter Palin Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, Most sentient Americans rightly concluded during the 2008 election that Sarah Palin was a blathering idiot. But in 2009, we learned that she is also a maniacal, Buy Erythromycin from canada, conspiratorial, paranoid douchebag who is here to stay. This, of course, is bad news for American democracy in general and Republicans in particular, who are still too busy ogling her mavericky caboose to notice she's leading them straight off a cliff. But it's good news if you're a Democrat who enjoys a spectacular trainwreck or a comedian who likes punchlines that write themselves.
Douchiest Achievements:
Palin claimed an Obama "death panel" could kill her child. She publicly trashed her daughter’s baby daddy (and fellow douchebag) Levi Johnston as part of a bitter feud that became so ridiculous, even Vladimir Putin couldn't believe what he was seeing from his house. She Sarah Palin Quitters Worldaccused David Letterman of being a pervert because of a joke she did not get, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. She published a score-settling work of fiction that was best summed up by a former McCain aide who said it contained "elements of truth underlying a narrative that is completely false." She gave her seal of approval to the "Birthers" (see Orly Taitz below) who claim Obama was born in Kenya, saying his birth certificate is "rightfully" an issue with the American public, purchase Erythromycin. She raised the specter of a Palin/Glenn Beck 2012 ticket, presumably because the world is going to end anyway. Not to mention the fact that she quit as governor after only two and a half years for reasons that only William Shatner could possibly make sense of. Quitter Palin somehow managed to out-laughingstock the laughingstock she became during the 2008 campaign, neatly encapsulated by the year's best bumper sticker: Palin 2012 – 2014 1/2.
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: Writing a second book titled "Going Shopping" and quitting halfway through.
Quote:
"Only dead fish go with the flow." --Sarah Palin, quitting, July 3, 2009
~
Dan

5. Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, Nadya Suleman, aka"Octomom"


Nadya Suleman OctomomApparently taking note that when it comes to kids, the number “8” is a sure-fire laser beam to media success (“Eight is Enough,” “Jon and Kate Plus Eight,” “Eight Men Out”, etc.), Suleman decided that the best thing she could do for her future as an unemployed single mother of six, was to pop out eight additional kids she couldn’t take care of.
Douchiest Achievements: Where does one begin. Where can i find Erythromycin online, Separated from her husband in 2000 because they couldn’t conceive children together…Already had overcompensated in the world of population control by having six kids through in vitro fertilization after the separation…worked in a California state mental hospital from 1997-2006 – probably would have benefited from some in-patient services…ran up a hospital bill between $1.5 and $3 million dollars that she can’t pay… was offered multiple deals to star in porno movies…had plastic surgery to look more like Angelina Jolie, then all the kids—all she’s missing is Brad Pitt and millions of dollars.
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: For the love of God, doing anything but having more children.
Quote:
“If I don't do what I need to do in the media to take care of and support the kids, I can't take care of them."
~Fathead

6. Michele Bachmann


Batshit Crazy BachmannRepublican Rep. Michele Bachmann represents the 6th district of Minnesota in the U.S. House of Representatives, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. Those people deserve your pity, but they have no one to blame but themselves. Perhaps they should also blame God, who apparently told her to run. The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Douchiest Achievements:
Bat-shit crazy often comes up when describing Rep, buy Erythromycin online cod. Bachmann. Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, She’s not only against gay marriage, but against gays and lesbians themselves, saying they suffer from “sexual dysfunction.” Intelligent Design sounds so good to her that she believes it should be taught in schools, but if you try to teach volunteerism to kids, you’re creating reeducation camps. She called upon her supporters to slit their wrists in order to protest health care legislation, yet how will they pay to get stitched up. In a battle of nut jobs, she once took down Glenn “King Nut Job” Beck by arguing that taking the national census will lead to putting people in internment camps. Which makes perfect sense…if you’re insane. (Warning: staring at this video could cause you to become stupider, so watch through a pinhole in a piece of cardboard). To Bachmann, socialism might as well be the devil's work, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. She is against ANY kind of government handout. Buy Erythromycin no prescription, She will leap on her high horse and denounce ANYBODY getting aid from the government. So the discovery of her family farm receiving almost a quarter of a million dollars in government subsides makes you wonder if she is going to denounce herself. Perhaps call for an investigation into herself.
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010:
Wearing an aluminum foil hat to sessions of Congress for fear of Democrats stealing her thoughts.
Quote:
"During the last 100 days we have seen an orgy. Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, It would make any local smorgasbord embarrassed … The government spent its wad by April 26.” (On a side note, a 100-day orgy is not too shabby.)
~Warren

7. Tiger Woods


Tiger WoodsWhile fellow douchie Nadya Suleman felt 14 kids was the right amount, Woods felt 14 mistresses put the tiger in his tank. The world’s greatest golfer went from one of the most admired and respected athletes (if you call golf a sport and not a recreational activity) to the butt of late night comedians after admitting that he has not been the most faithful of husbands.
Douchiest Achievements:
Neighbors found him lying shoeless and snoring on his Isleworth street after he plowed his SUV into a fire hydrant and tree…Tiger Woods’ website buries any mention of his transgressions, but does advise to “play the chunk-and-run,” which in non-golf terms is another way of saying “bang a Perkins waitress in your Escalade, then dump her on the side of the road"…to his credit, most of the alleged mistresses look nothing like his hot, blonde wife Elin…lost millions in endorsements as sponsors bailed…real name is Eldrick Tont Woods which would make him a douchebag regardless of any other activities…athletic equipment maker Puma is considering signing Elin as a spokesperson for their new Swedish-inspired clothing line called Tretorn, order Erythromycin no prescription, which roughly translated means, “Tiger castration.”
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: Golfing on some of the most beautiful courses in the world, earning millions of dollars in prize and endorsement money, and sleeping with a variety of hot brunettes. What can I say, Americans are a forgiving people.
Quote:
“I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.” You think?
~Fathead

8. Carrie Prejean


Carrie Prejean PageantCarrie Prejean’s story is, Online buying Erythromycin hcl, at the heart of it, the result of a chain-reaction clusterdouche that was too big for the circus tent of the Miss USA pageant to contain. If Miss USA head honcho (and first-ballot D-Bag Hall of Famer) Donald Trump hadn’t decided to install Black Eyed Peas punching bag / John Madden of the jizz-telestrator Perez Hilton as a "celebrity" judge, Miss California USA Prejean likely would have skated through by the Vaseline on her teeth and claimed the big sash and tiara, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. But Hilton laid the gay marriage question on her and thus played midwife to the unholy test-tube spawn of Anita Bryant and Chauncey Gardiner.
Douchiest Achievements:
Her artless defense of "opposite marriage" (a G.W. Bushism-by-Proxy if ever there was one) and resultant 1st runner-up finish should’ve been the last we’d heard of her, outside of a future co-host job on "Fox & Friends." But in a country that likes its martyrs pretty, telegenic and self-inflicted (see: Palin, Sarah), Prejean of Arc found the Carrie Prejeangravy train of right-wing celebrity a more appealing option than the actual fulfillment of her Miss California USA duties. Pageant officials took back their title, St. Carrie sued them for libel, where can i buy cheapest Erythromycin online, and in the most literal case of tit-for-tat ever seen, they countersued to recover the cost of her breast implants. Our Lady of Christian Family Values settled out of court when pageant lawyers produced a video Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, of her rowing her little man in the boat ashore. Combined with all those pesky topless shots that emerged, that put a bit of a dent in the wholesome image deal (let’s see if she gets that conservative pin-up calendar gig in 2010). And when she topped it all off by achieving the impossible – making Larry King look like a hard-hitting interviewer – you knew Carrie Prejean had taken a sow’s ear of a year and truly turned it into a Golden Douchebag.
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010:
In every Young Republican’s wet dream, and probably on Vivid Video’s website.
Quote:
"I don't see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn't get breast implants." – Prejean. Little did she know that an early translation of John 8:7 read, "He that is without sin among you let him cast the first synthetic sac of saline fluid at her."
~loukip

9. Joe Lieberman


Droopy Dog LiebermanIn the long history of the U.S. Senate, never has there been a bigger back-stabbing, flip-flopping, soul-selling, cock-blocking douchebag than Joe Lieberman.
Douchiest Achievements:
As the 60th Democratic vote, Lieberman reveled in his roll as legislative killjoy, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. Buy cheap Erythromycin, Nowhere was that more apparent than in the health care debate, where Joe-mentia held the bill hostage by threatening to help Republicans filibuster it to death if Democrats refused to meet his demands. Among them: killing the Medicare expansion, which he had supported three months earlier. Because that's what soulless, hypocritical douchebags do. His healthcare treachery was a fitting capstone to a decade of douchiness. Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, In fact, every bad thing that happened during the last 10 years is basically Joe Lieberman's fault — from selling out Al Gore during the Florida recount to helping George W. Bush forward his agenda at every turn to being the leading Democratic cheerleader for the Iraq war to ensuring that thousands of Americans will die needlessly because they lack health insurance. Thank God Al Franken had the good sense to tell him to STFU on the Senate floor.
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: Being mistaken for Droopy Dog
Quote:
"You know what is worse than being sick and not having health insurance. Having to sit through the Lieberman filibuster that kept it from you." –Jon Stewart
~
Dan

10. Teabaggers


Down With Sodomy, Up With TeabaggingMost people look up to teabaggers, and some gag just thinking about them. Oh wait, you mean we’re not talking about men who dip their testicles in your mouth, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. We’re talking about the right-wing conservative teabaggers. Yeah, those guys are dicks. They are the second most popular right-wing group inadvertently named after a sexual act. The first being the “Dirty Sanchez’s” famous for their anti-immigration stand. Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, The problem is Tea Baggers don’t seem to realize that they aren’t original. There were people who stood up to an oppressive government, Buy Erythromycin without prescription, fighting the Big Brother tactics of the previous administration. Back then we called them “liberals.”
Douchiest Achievements:
Here is where you would normally read about all of the douchie things Tea Baggers did this year, but there are almost to many things to talk about. Someone once said, a picture speaks a thousand words (although in a douchebag picture, many of those words are spelled wrong). So instead please enjoy the following video from a teabagger rally that occurred this year and take in the full power of their douchieness:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUPMjC9mq5Y[/youtube]

Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: Protesting public school funding. Their sign will read, “We didn’t go to skool, and we do just phine!”
Quote
: "Keep your government hands off my Medicare." --a confused teabagger at a health care reform town hall meeting in Simpsonville, South Carolina
~Warren

11, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. Mark Sanford


Mark Sanford CryingPopular governor of South Carolina who suddenly, and without word to any of his staff or security detail, disappeared for four days in June leaving the state without its chief executive. Thanks to Sanford’s notorious aversion to having a security staff with him, comprar en línea Erythromycin, comprar Erythromycin baratos, and the revenge motive of a fellow politician, the governor was discovered to have been carrying on a longtime-affair with a woman in Argentina.
Douchiest Achievements:
Told his staff that he was “hiking the Appalachian Trail” when in fact he was “banging the Argentinean tail”…Charged with over three dozen ethics violations including using state aircraft to attend one of his son’s sporting events..a subcommittee of the State Legislature recommended censuring Sanford for bringing “ridicule, dishonor, disgrace and shame” on South Carolina…Wife filed for divorce in December…released holiday message to South Carolina that began "This time of year offers each of us a chance like no other to refocus on what is really important in life – things like spending time with friends and family”…was the last governor to accept economic stimulus money for his state nearly missing out on $8 billion in aid.
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: Publishing his memoirs entitled "Argentina on 10 Ethics Violations a Day"
Quote: “I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of night’s light — but hey, that would be going into the sexual details ....” –Sanford e-mail to Maria Shapur
~Fathead

12. Robert Joe Halderman, aka Joe the Dumbass


Robert HaldermanOh Joe, Real brand Erythromycin online, to be a schlub of a CBS News producer who’s struggling to make your child support payments. Your ex-girlfriend, Late Show staffer Stephanie Birkitt, has broken your heart. Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, But hey, what’s this in her diary. She banged her old boss, David Letterman? Goodbye deadbeat dad, hello alleged master criminal and would-be screenwriter. Two million simoleons can buy a lot of Happy Meals. What could possibly go wrong… besides, uh, everything, Erythromycin from canadian pharmacy.
Douchiest Achievements: Thinking that, after prior run-ins with a dogged and clinically insane stalker and a Montana handyman who plotted to kidnap his son, Letterman would roll over when confronted with evidence that he dipped his pen in Worldwide Pants’ ink. Also, asking that the hush money be paid by check, to sidestep any tax issues, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. (Well, at least he didn’t ask for an enlarged check delivered by Publishers Clearing House.)
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: As an uncompensated producer of most of truTV’s daytime programming, when coverage of his criminal trial begins. Canada, mexico, india, Quote: "I'm an employee in good standing, but should I be fired, mysteriously … If my house burns down … Any number of things that, I don't know this person (Letterman), I've never met this person, I have no idea who or what he is or is capable of." – Halderman, speaking to Letterman’s lawyer during "negotiations" to sell his "screenplay." Evidently, Joe suspected foul play in Larry "Bud" Melman’s disappearance back in ’93.
~loukip

13. Rep. Joe Wilson


Joe Wilson You Lie Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, Inspired by the teabaggers who spent the summer shouting down politicians at town hall meetings, Rep. Joe Wilson (R-Tourette's) attained his one and only note of distinction when he broke with centuries of decorum and heckled President Obama during a joint session of Congress, kjøpe Erythromycin på nett, köpa Erythromycin online. After Obama said illegal immigrants wouldn't be covered under health reform legislation, Wilson shouted "You Lie!", apparently believing he was on an episode of The Jerry Springer Show.
Douchiest Achievements:
Wilson, who was mentored by notorious racist Strom Thurmond and been affiliated with a neo-Confederate group for years, is passionate about stopping any government-run health care plans, except when he's busy being a hypocrite. As a retired Army National Guard colonel, Wilson receives generous government health benefits, as do his four sons in the armed services. Purchase Erythromycin online, And in 2003, Wilson voted to provide federal funds for illegal immigrants’ healthcare as part of the Medicare Prescription Drug bill. Way to stay classy, Old Yeller.
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: Fitted with a strait jacket and restraint mask at the State of the Union Address
Quote:
"What's so ironic is that the health care plan that Joe Wilson so angrily opposes would get him the Prozac he so desperately needs." --Bill Maher
~
Dan

14, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. Levi Johnston


Levi Johnston Playgirl PhotoHigh school hockey stud who, in a fit of perfect timing, knocked up Bristol Palin just in time for her mom’s selection as the Republican nominee for vice president, effectively castrating her “abstinence only” campaign platform.
Douchiest Achievements:
Agreed to pose for Playgirl magazine after breaking off engagement with Bristol, bringing new meaning to the phrase, “that’s one big zamboni!”…a high school dropout, he was working as an apprentice electrician before quitting that as well (seems like he would fit right in with the Palins) to try and become an actor…attended the Teen Choice Awards with comedienne Kathy Griffin…did a commercial for the Wonderful Pistachio company showing him opening a pistachio with a bodyguard nearby and the voice-over saying “Now Levi Johnston does it with protection.”
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: Starring in a porn movie entitled “Johnston and his Johnson”
Quote:
“I just get naked, that’s what I do.” – as told to US Magazine
~Fathead

15. Richard Heene, where to buy Erythromycin, Balloon Douche


Richard Heene Balloon DoucheFame, to paraphrase the late Rick James, is a hell of a drug. Even the pale kind of fame, the crummy street-grade shit cut with baby powder from the 99-cent store, can keep some fiends coming back for more. For a prime example, look no further than Richard Heene, the failed actor, Erythromycin price, coupon, financially strapped handyman and storm-chasing, UFO-chasing and attention-chasing crackpot with a checkered past. Heene wasn’t satisfied with two appearances on Wife Swap Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, and pulled his family into a ridiculous and unsustainable gambit. Alas, he neglected to remember the first rule of any dealer, be it Avon Barksdale or ABC: the customer’s first hit is free, but after that they have to pay and pay dearly.
Douchiest Achievements: First douchy achievement - naming his youngest son after a bird of prey. Then six years later, Heene untethered a homebrewed weather balloon in the Colorado sky and told 911 dispatchers that young Falcon had stowed away in the flimsy dirigible. After a frantic 50-mile chase, the balloon crashed with no sign of the boy, japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal. Aw shucks, that lBalloon Hoaxittle scamp had been hiding in a cardboard box in the attic the whole time, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. Too bad the tale got blown two miles high when Falcon reminded his dad during a CNN interview that they "did this for the show" – the show being a project Heene unsuccessfully peddled to various producers. (The theme song, however, is a crude garage-rock earworm.) After three days of a rapidly failing smell test – punctuated by poor Falcon’s impersonations of a mama bird feeding her nestlings – authorities finally declared the episode a hoax. Richard and wife Mayumi Heene pled guilty and were sentenced to a combo of jail and work release, with the special proviso that they couldn’t cash in with the media for four years.
Special Award for Supporting Douche Nozzle: A three-way tie between CNN, MSNBC and FOX News for taking the bait big-time on a patently insane non-story that any remedial physics student could have called shenanigans on in three nanoseconds.
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: Trying to flag down potential new clients in the Fort Collins Lowe’s parking lot.
Quote:
Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, "It's the 20th anniversary of the Berlin Wall coming down. Before that, Online buy Erythromycin without a prescription, the only way to get from East Germany to West Germany was your dad would have to put you in a balloon." – David Letterman
~loukip

16. Health Insurance Companies


Denying ClaimsThe health insurance industry, for those of you who don’t know (and there are about 45 million of you who don’t) is an industry designed to help people in the time when they need it most. In theory, you pay them so that when you are sick or hurt you will be able to get the medical care you need…in theory. Of course, in theory, communism works, in theory. (Apologies to The Simpsons for hijacking that joke.)
Douchiest Achievements:
The health insurance industry fears being regulated and is doing everything in its power to keep from having to do the right thing, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. They are crying poor mouth to whoever will listen, saying reform will bankrupt them and hurt business, purchase Erythromycin online no prescription. Trying to hide the fact that they are making over $200 Billion in profits a year…that’s PROFITS, not revenue, PROFITS. Just for the uneducated (like this woman), profit is what you take home after you’ve covered all your costs. That includes the roughly $12.4 million paid to health insurance CEOs (median annual salary). They propagate lies about made up “death panels” using uneducated people to pass along the message (like this woman Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, ). The reality is, “death panels” are thriving under the CURRENT system, and the reform is trying to do away with them.
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: Bleeding Americas sick dry (literally and figuratively), Ordering Erythromycin online, in other words, business as usual.
Quote:
"Exercise freaks ... are the ones putting stress on the health care system." —Rush Limbaugh, June 12, 2009
~Warren

17. Sen. John Ensign


John EnsignAnother year, another member of Congress caught rocking out with his cock out. Big whoop, right, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. But this veterinarian-turned-lawmaker added primo vinegar to the water to make himself a douchebag of distinction. Hypocritical supporter of the Clinton impeachment. Check, buy cheap Erythromycin no rx. Denier of equal access to matrimonial misery for LGBT couples, while giving his own union a Cleveland Steamer. Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, Check. Fucker of a good friend’s wife who gets his daddy to make it rain strip-club style when the shit hits the fan. Somewhere in Florida, Carl Hiaasen wishes he conceived a plot that sleazy and improbable.
Douchiest Achievements: While Doug and Cindy Hampton are houseguests of the Ensigns after a burglary of their own home, Sen. Ensign begins his clandestine filibustering. After Doug (not only a friend, but an Ensign staffer) finds out, Ensign pulls strings to shunt him into a lobbying gig, an apparent Congress ethics violation, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. Soon after, Erythromycin trusted pharmacy reviews, casino exec Mike Ensign (aka Pops the Fixer) showers the Hamptons with a $96,000 "gift" that fails to get disclosed to the Senate. Because they considered him a weak-willed schmuck who wouldn’t end the affair of his own volition, Ensign’s C Street / Family brethren watch him compose a hand-written, half-assed breakup note to Cindy Hampton, then chaperone him to FedEx to make sure the missive is delivered. They keep fucking for another half a year.
Special Award for Supporting Douche Nozzle: Fellow U.S. Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, Senator and C Street / Family crypto-fundamentalist-fascist Tom Coburn (R-OK), Coburn and Ensignwho counseled Ensign to pay off the Hamptons and then negotiated the details. When pressed to explain his role in the whole shitshow, Coburn clams up and claims privilege as both an ordained deacon and a physician. What privileged doctor-patient communications Coburn had with Ensign seem kinda hinky, buy Erythromycin from mexico, considering Coburn’s an OB/GYN. He’d have a stronger case if he were a proctologist.
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: In one of the Las Vegas pet hospitals he founded, getting neutered.
Quote: "He has no credibility left." –Ensign in 1998, on Bill Clinton
~loukip

18, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. Orly Taitz, aka "Birther Queen"


Orly-Taitz Birther-QueenA kind of superhuman who is equal parts lawyer, dentist, and real estate agent, Orly Taitz is the leading figure behind the "Birther" movement -- the reality-challenged band of conspiracy nuts who claim that Obama is a Muslim who was born in Kenya, Order Erythromycin online c.o.d, and thus is not eligible to be president.
Douchiest achievements:
Taitz went on a media blitz and hysterically waved around a supposed Kenyan birth certificate for Obama, acting as though she had found the Holy Grail. The document, which was riddled with errors, turned out to be a forgery created by an Internet prankster. (You, too, can have your very own Kenyan birth certificate, thanks to the magic of the Internets). Undeterred, Taitz went on to file multiple lawsuits in an attempt to overturn Obama's election, order Erythromycin from mexican pharmacy, and was subsequently slapped with tens of thousands of dollars in fines for "wasting judicial resources" with her "frivolous and sanctionable conduct."
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: Parading around with an Obama Chia Pet in an attempt to prove he was spawned from seedlings that originated on foreign soil
Quote:
"It's just a few cranks out there." --Ann Coulter on the Birther movement. Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, When you're too nuts for Ann Coulter, it's safe to say you've taken insanity to a whole new level.
~Peter Andersen

19. Dick Cheney


Dick Cheney UnmaskedDick Cheney was President of the United States from 2001 to 2009. He was referred to as “Vice President” to throw off his enemies, but there was little doubt who was in charge. Just like with the Sith there is a Master and an Apprentice. Cheney was the Master.
Douchiest Achievements:
Dick Cheney spent the previous two terms in office inside a cone of silence. He didn’t speak to anybody about anything unless it was carefully thought out talking points, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. This year he had an opinion on EVERYTHING. Obama and the Democrats couldn’t cut a fart without Cheney weighing in. When Obama bowed to the Emperor of Japan, Rx free Erythromycin, Cheney called him weak. Although Cheney must have forgotten that his old boss, George H.W. Order Erythromycin with No Prescription, Bush, did the same thing. Hell, the senior Bush did Obama one better, and puked on the Prime Minister. Now that’s strength. When Obama discussed moving troops out of major cities in Iraq in June of 2009, Cheney went on record saying what a horrible idea it was. Lucky for us, Jon Stewart was there to point out that this plan originated with Bush. Cheney lashed out at Obama when the president promised an end to harsh interrogation techniques, saying it will make America unsafe, Order Erythromycin with No Prescription. It’s an odd statement considering those harsh “torture” methods were supposedly stopped in 2004, according to Cheney.
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: Overseeing the completion of the second Death Star, while finishing his book, “I’m Right, You’re Wrong. Now Go Fuck Yourself!”
Quote:
This quote isn’t from 2009, but it’s worth hearing over and over and over again.
~Warren

20. Michael Steele


AMichael Steelefter watching the Democratic Party position an African-American and a woman as their top two candidates for president in 2008, the Republican Party knew they had to react and react strongly. Their first move was to make Michael Steele the head of the Republican National Committee (RNC) and their second move was to elevate “the douche from Wasilla” (see Sarah Palin) to be their vice presidential nominee. Both moves have worked out just peachy.
Douchiest Achievements:
Attempted to modernize the Republican Party by bringing a “hip-hop” makeover to the GOP…after taking his position under the guise that he would bring the conservative philosophy to the young, Hispanics and African-Americans—by far the groups with the highest number of uninsured—he then joined hands with the Tea Party movement in trying to kill health care reform…Took heat from his own party when it was revealed he was collecting $20,000 per speech even while making better than $220,000 in his role as chairman of the RNC…claimed that the GOP argument against gay marriage should be that it’s “bad for small business.”
Most Likely To Be Seen in 2010: As guest host of "Pimp my Ride"
Quote:
“We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.” –Michael Steele, Feb 19, 2009
~Fathead

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42 Comments »

  • mitch pedersen said:

    who ever runs this website is a severely depressed, republican hating, left wing nut job that needs to get the facts before going off on anyone and anything that disagrees with you.

  • Steve Hill said:

    mitch – can you name one fact that is incorrect?

  • Drunken Economist said:

    Sorry, agreed with the first poster. As in, where are all the Liberal Douches?

    Where’s Nancy Pelosi? Barbera Boxer? A 2 inch fish that’s turning the breadbasket of the west coast into desert? And with no farm/tax revenues, putting California into a hole?

    For the love of Allah, Baby Boomers, the cowardly, sniveling, doped out waste of DNA that got us into war, economic depression, and WON’T LET GO? Chickenhawks all, I nominate the entire species Homo Hippity Hippy Retardus as #1 douches of the decade.

    How about Joe Biden, Bill Clinton, George Bush and Barry O’Bambi for their sterling leadership in immigration reform? Outsourcing and Offshoring our tech industry to India? China I don’t mind, but freaking INDIA? The Indiots and the Boomers, BFF.

    Heck that last one I nominate for Douche of the Century.

    -Drunken Economist
    http://mindtaker.blogspot.com/
    http://twitter.com/drunk_economist

  • loukip said:

    Mitch – We’re not even remotely depressed. Attention whores, yes – and thanks for clicking through, that’s one more micro-cent from Google to us! – but not depressed. Seconding Steve’s question: not asking for a full fact check, but do feel free to refute any points of contention with a link, any link, to a credible source. You know, like the scores of links we peppered throughout our list.

    D.E. – There is no such thing as a liberal douche, because as you should already know, members of Homo Hippity Hippy Retardus don’t believe in hygiene of any type. We’re dealing with ‘09 news specifically. California was driven into a ditch way before anyone heard of a Delta smelt; outsourcing has been in full bloom since the beginning of the decade, if not earlier; and anyone worth their salt knows that demagoguery against Scary Brown People is an every-other-year election issue – this year it was all about turning our elderly population into soylent green. But seriously, we wish you the best of luck with your inchoate campaign against every person born between 1945 and 1957. Keep tilting at that windmill, Quixote!

  • Annie said:

    While some of these pop culture figures are douches, I feel you lean way too liberal. You need to insult some of the liberal douches out there. like Joe Biden, MICHAEL MOORE and John Kerry to name a few.

  • gail said:

    frankly, I think the author is douchebag of the year. bleeding heart liberal tree hugger.

  • Jean said:

    People, it’s a liberal website. If you want to see a list of liberal douche bags, go to Faux.com (oh, sorry, that’s Fox.com) Personally, I think these choices are stellar!

  • RG said:

    Annie Michael Moore is a douche for what? Exposing the likes of many on this list? Being compassionate for your fellow man is being a douche? Yes, this list leans favorably to the left, but apperently that is needed this particular year, with healthcare reform not forming a dividing line, but a trench, turning into a chasm. We have old folks protesting socialized medicine while using Medicare. We have people beleiving Glen Beck, who openly admits to NOT being a reporter, but a “Commentator” and he does not bear the responsiblity of checking facts before he opens his mouth.
    This particular year is the year of the right wing whacko, as they have come out of the woodwork from all different segments of society with their vocal hatred of others, sometime hating other right wingers like themselves. Liberals maintained their status quo this year, wingnuts took the spotlight. If you can’t be correct, be loud.

  • Warren said:

    A majority of people on this list are here because of their actions or hypocritical things they did in 2009.

    Annie – What did any of those guys do in 2009? We had Biden on a bigger list, but in the end we felt he pulled a few bone head moves, but nothing douchie. Kerry and Moore, I don’t really remember even hearing their name in 2009 let alone pulling something douchie.

    Gail – Do you have anything to back that up? And not just because of our opinions, but if we were hypocritical in some way. Like maybe referencing the above take down of Cheney and then proving that I’m the President of the Dick Cheney fan club (for the record I’m only the Treasurer). Also for the record, I’m no tree hugger. Nature is WAY to dirty.

    Nowhere on our site do we claim to be “fair and balanced”. To do that and then be one sided would be totally douchie…wait, I think I know a nominee for next year!

  • Jimm said:

    Left wing hate speech… Infallibly Ironic…

  • sam said:

    Copied from the “About Us” Section:

    “Kind of a Lark is a group blog dedicated to bringing you all that you didn’t need to know, when you didn’t need to know it.

    We aim to bring you news you can’t use, opinions you didn’t ask for, and laughs you weren’t expecting — all supplied by people you don’t know.

    Seriously, we are a bunch of hacks. But if you find us half as entertaining as we find ourselves, you’ll be, well, half as entertained as us.”

    That being said, if you aren’t into what’s being written on this site, don’t continue to read it. If you are, read it. It’s that simple. Trying to gang-f*** the commentary at the bottom with accusations of liberal/”tree-hugging” nonsense is just entirely unnecessary.

    By the by, not all liberals are tree-huggers… there are some that don’t even recycle. :P

  • Fathead said:

    As one of the “tree-hugging liberals” that contribute to KOAL, I just wanted to thank all of those who have read our postings throughout the year (whether you agreed with them or not) and a special thanks to those who actually took the time and effort to make a comment on the “Douchies” (even from those people who couldn’t find the humor in it). Happy New Year to all, and here’s hoping that in 2010, we can all get along better and at least attempt to understand each other’s point of view.

    Even the douchebags’.

  • peterandersen said:

    I second what Fathead said…

  • jake jacobson said:

    Humor is one thing—–vulgar, cheap shots at one political group— shows the writer to be what he is—- vacuous and busy lessening our way of life !!!

  • Warren said:

    Humor is a relative thing. If you’re a Tea Bagger, or work for Kaiser, or one of Tiger Woods mistresses you obviously won’t find this list too amusing.

    None of these shots were cheap; I promise you they were all well earned and well documented. A cheap shot is more like what a few people are doing in the comments here. Calling people names with out really backing it up or proving the article wrong.

    As for being vulgar…guilty.

    Sorry that you feel your life has been worse by reading this. You should be more careful when surfing the Internets.

  • loukip said:

    Oh yes, the vaunted “coarsening of the discourse” line. Clear a seat on the fainting couch and grab the smelling salts! Yes, this list is full of vile and contemptuous humor, wishing unspeakable harm to our ideological foes. Like when we hoped Nancy Pelosi would quaff some poisoned wine… oh wait, that wasn’t us, that was Mr. Unethical Gold Shill, FOX News, 5 p.m. ET weekdays. Or that knee-slapper when we wished Tim McVeigh had blown up the New York Times building… oh yeah, that was the unfunny tranny in the black cocktail dress. We can only aspire to the level of wit those bon vivants display.

    And by the way, for those still working on their reading comprehension, there is no singular “he” or “the writer” with regard to this article. We’re a four-headed hydra full of unwashed, tree-dry-humping venom. Or, to paraphrase the Pirandello play, we’re Four Morans in Search of A Brain.

  • Nick said:

    All I have to say is: If you watch fox news you are an insignificant swine to our country. Fox news has to be a bigger liar then any other person I know or have heard of. It just takes the children of the parents who watch it and converts their minds to take a inaccurate look at the government, who cares if Obama wasn’t born here (which he was) hes trying to do our country good. Look at bush, in 8 years he screwed up our country by not letting the government have any control what-so-ever in big private businesses. Look where that led us, all those companies shooting down like a japanese suicide bomber. Stocks went down down down down down. If you blame Obama for the way our country is now, you must be a blind or handicapped, hes almost been a president for a year, it took Bush 8 years to screw up our country, how many will it take obama to make it better. I mean you can’t get much worse then it already is, unless you declare nuclear war with china, russia etc. Happy new year.

  • jaz said:

    Personally, I found it very funny, which is what this article is supposed to be. What’s ridiculous is that some of the people who read this, spent quite a bit of time in writing short articles in the comments section themselves. Pathetic. Go get a life! I don’t see you bozos complaining when Conan or Jay Leno talk about these douchebags. Its nobody’s fault that most of them are republicans. Btw Happy New Year y’all! Hope we get funnier douchebags in 2010!

  • c firns said:

    I think health insurance companies should be #1 or 2…

  • Yup said:

    This list is RIGHT ON!!!!

    Those of you who are b*tching about it being too liberal….on a liberal website….well, once again, you have show the idiocy of the Conservative Right.

    Personally, I think there should have been a three-way tie between Beck, Palin and Bachmann…those three were obviously born in the same satanic-encrusted slime sac and should always move as a Trifecta!

    I think Limbaugh should have been on here, that clown-kissing she-monkey makes every year a tad worse every day he wakes up and goes to work. Levi is an idiot…but he’s making life uncomfortable for Palin…so that makes him kinda cool in a way…even as he’s being a douche.

    Keep up the good work!

  • Neal Howard Rudin said:

    These profuse fluffer-nutter of the Right fail to realize that the person that they so whole-heartedly follow, Jesus, said, and thess is a quotes; “Love the neighbor as thy self”, “You can not enter the kingdom of heaven except with the eyes of a child”, “Love thy enemy” and so on. He never once carried or promoted weapons nor emanated any words of hate nor fear. Yet, the Right-wing-nuts are so paranoid as to call all that question their mis-leadership, Chainy (5 deferments) and all the “chicken hawk, chicken shits who gave us this unending war avoided serving in the military like the plague. More Democrats served than did “Republicons”. They sold us out though the powers of deregulation equivalent to the cancer ruling the body. Why is it that 90+% of the comedians are not from the fear-mongering right.
    Of the people, by the people, and for the people, not BUY THE PEOPLE!

  • RG said:

    ” Why is it that 90+% of the comedians are not from the fear-mongering right.
    Of the people, by the people, and for the people, not BUY THE PEOPLE”

    Funny you should mention comedians. Fox news being the most conservative is cannon fodder for the Fox network, with the liberal shows of Fox network making fun of Fox news and their followers. Rupert Murdoch must be laughing all the way to the bank.

  • sky said:

    I thought the video of the teabaggers protesting was hiliarous ….
    The funniest parts were when ask why they protested this or that…absolutely none of them had any idea why….they had no facts to anything…the young reporter just by asking simple honest questions proved beyond any doubt, that the protesters were just there to be loud with no idea why….they were told something on one of their programs on t.v. and ran with it….this is the same mindset that elected Bush twice…..really embarrassing….

  • fvccant said:

    This list is bogus and bias. Stupid this site is…..

  • Madeleine Lapointe-Millar said:

    Glenn Beck’s “accusations” regarding President Obama can actually all be found in historical documents and biographies of the Bush family (4 generations), Skull and Bones, etc., who actually HAVE sterilized people they considered inferior (to themselves) and DO believe all these things that Glenn Beck ‘accuses’ the President of….’the New World Order’.

  • RG said:

    [IMG]http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q199/diskullman/fox.jpg[/IMG]

  • Random Overseas Dude said:

    The comments are almost funnier than the douchebags. The site should acknowledge the REAL 2009 Douchies, available at http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2009_12_01_hotchickswithdouchebags_archive.html

    Beyond Lou’s sadly misinformed comment about Scary Brown People, which trivializes real issues with immigration, as a conservative I look at many of the nominally Republican winners on this list and think “Idiots!” Why a conservative would want to claim these people as representatives and mouthpieces is beyond me.

    And then I look at the comments and wonder–do these people realize it is a humor site? Pelosi might be a soulless politician who swings with the political winds (look at her background), but is she really a Douchebag? Or just a powermad over the top liberal with little understanding of the adverse consequences that will ensure from her ill-planned and little understood attempt to “fix” the health care system?

  • Warren said:

    “This list is bogus and bias. Stupid this site is…..”

    Sorry you don’t like the list, but we are honored to have you visit our site Master Yoda.

  • peterandersen said:

    RG, I think this is the photo you tried to post. Pretty much says it all…

  • Neal Rudin said:

    Comedy and reason are true playmates. They are seldom understood by those who fear the unknown, but not unknowable. Fear and hatred are friends of the devil and not a creation, as is laughter, trust and faith. These are true aspects of G-d. Fear those who take themsevles too seriouly.
    The deadwood of outdated ideals are made so obvious by those like Rush and Palin.
    Imagine Palin across the table from Putin! He would flatten her with his will like a bubble against a pine tree.
    “Small minds are not a terrible thing to waste”…

    Steward, etc…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAt60HrSkzI
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4KU8W2lfAU

  • Nick said:

    All of these picks were spot on. The people who disagree most likely vote because they think its a thrill, like betting on a horse race not knowing any of the stats and maybe you might just win. I have an idea who might have just barely made this list and it would have been Christian Bale for screaming at the Light guy. Otherwise this was all great, especially the comments from the people who watch fox news, I mean you learn more facts by watching dora the explorer.

  • Fathead said:

    I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map, I’M THE MAP!

    (only people with young kids who watch Dora will get this)

  • Nick said:

    I have to say that that song has thee most brilliant lyrics ever created, but this is only my opinion.

  • sammy said:

    Ha Ha…All funny and all true. Don’t know what some people are cribbing about( Jaz, I’m with you buddy). The only factual error i could find was in the bit on Darth Cheney. Isn’t he going to be overseeing the completion of the third death star??? Since there have already been two? ( Sorry…Couldn’t help it :D ) And fvccant aka Master Yoda, How nice of you to grace us with your presence. Awesome you are…

  • BleedingHeart said:

    Why is it rednecks don’t get good humor unless it comes from Foxworthy and Friends? Of course, mix in some real facts with the humor and their confusion expands exponentially… Now, we (bleeding hearts) know we’ve got some goofy liberals out there, but at least we admit to it. The R’s just think everybody under their star is gifted with omnipotent vision and right-minded opinions…facts not required.

    To you Lark Lads and Lasses…may the Farce be with You!

    Gotta run, going huntin’ with Cheney next week so gotta practice my duck, roll and cover so I can ensure my safe return to insanity.
    BH

  • Olivia said:

    This was hilarious, amazing, and TRUE! Except.. where’s Rush Limbaugh?? I guess he makes the Douchebag of the Century. Oh, and Pat Robertson!

    keep up the great work!

  • Steven Wagenheim Pic 172 | I Can Haz Waggenstuffs said:

    [...] Douchebag of the Year Awards – 20 Biggest Douchebags in America … [...]

  • riceroni said:

    LOL!! This is a great list. I guess the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Pat Robertson at the end of this year will make the top 20 Douchebags of the decade list.

  • Obama said:

    Blah blah, Republicans suck. Hard to take this list seriously when it suffers from such an obvious bias. (Not a Republican.) Too bad this is so far up on google.

  • lonnn said:

    I would also include every single person that worked on this list for their “holier than thou” douchebaggy attitude. In case you didn’t realize, that’s exactly the same reason everyone hates you. http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Leftard have a ball

  • Bryan said:

    We have to add some liberal douches for fairness, here are just a few:

    5. Joe Biden – needs no explanation
    4. Keith Olbermann – Douche is actually his middle name
    3. The author of the 20 Douchebag list above
    2. Bill Clinton – always a douchebag
    1. Barack Obama – took a grand opportunity and popularity and flushed it right down his douchey toilet by being, you guessed it, a total douchebag

  • Willow said:

    This is great. Dead-on. Bravo.