2009 was a year stuffed to the gills with egregious behavior from spectacularly ridiculous people. With so many crude epithets at our disposal to describe these knuckleheads, none is so apropos as the one sobriquet that aptly describes quitters, hecklers, teabaggers, extortionists, and balloon hoaxers alike: douchebags.

Given the explosion of douchiness all around us, we had to dig deep to select these profiles in ignominy, but here they are — our awards for this year’s 20 biggest douchebags in America.

I’m a slut for celebrity gossip. I deliberately choose the longest line at the grocery store so that I can devour as many trashy mags as possible while waiting. My major news source is dlisted.com, and as a result, I can tell you the names of the spouses, exes, and children of any celebrity.
The glitch, though, is that for the most part, I “know” them only through the gossip context. I rarely see movies, I don’t have a TV, and I listen to exactly two radio stations, neither of which are …